The Heart of Everything
by Mrs Ronald Weasley
Summary: Set in New Moon. The night that Edward leaves her, Bella believes she has nothing left to live for. Edward/Bella. Warning: Attempted suicide. Complete.
1. Part I: Pale

**The Heart of Everything **

**Part I: Pale**

Author: Mrs Ronald Weasley

Rating: PG-13 or T

Pairing/s: Edward/Bella

Category: Angst/Romance

Warnings: Attempted suicide

Spoilers: New Moon

Summary: The night Edward leaves her, Bella believes she has nothing left to live for.

A/N: Inspired by a song from the band Within Temptation.

"_**Oh this night is too long, have no strength to go on**_

_**No more pain, I'm floating away**_

_**Through the mist see the face of an angel calls my name**_

_**I remember you're the reason I have to stay." **_

_**Within Temptation 'Pale'**_

The steady sound of my breathing was the only thing that filled the silence. I lay on my back; my eyes were glued to the ceiling without really seeing it. Not that it mattered, I couldn't see anything anyway, expect for the clock that cast a green glow in the darkness. It was three a.m., although I didn't sleep. I wasn't sure if I could. Everything, sleep...food..._life_, now meant nothing to me. Not without him.

I wanted to feel something, to know that I was still alive. My heart beat and I breathed, but I wasn't alive. Everything that I once felt, pain...sorrow..._love_, was gone. He took everything but my life when he left.

Maybe I wasn't alive. What was the definition of life, anyway? If it was just simply breathing, then, yes I was still alive. But if you defined life as living, than I wasn't. I had nothing left to live for.

I knew what I wanted to do. Some might think that taking my own life was a too rash decision. That I was being stupid and that I'd regret it as soon as I attempted it. The truth was though, was that everything I had ever wanted had been taken from me. There was nothing left for me. Nothing but death.

I rose my bed and went over to my desk. I didn't bother with the light, and picked up a pen in the darkness. Leaning down so I could see the paper, I wrote:

_Dad, I'm sorry. I hope you can forgive me for what I'm about to do. Please don't blame yourself, it has nothing to with you. I can't live without him, you know that. _

_By the time you find this, it will already be too late. I'm sorry. _

_Love always, Bella._

I dropped the pen numbly and it clattered to the floor. I straightened, grabbing only my purse as I walked out of my room and down the stairs.

I wrenched the front door open, ignoring the rain as it splattered on my face. I went to my truck.

I drove through the deserted streets and out onto the highway. I headed north, driving until the pavement ended. The farther north I went, the lighter the rain became and eventually the clouds cleared and the moon shone, high in the black star-studded sky.

I shut the engine off and stared into the forest for what seemed like hours. I wanted to cry, to feel the pain and sorrow once again. Like I had earlier. But no matter how much I tried, I felt nothing. I was completely void inside.

I closed my eyes and sucked in a deep breath before reaching for my purse. I pulled out a bottle of Tylenol #3. It was half empty, but it didn't matter, there was more than enough. I unscrewed the lid and dumped the remaining pills into my hand. Reaching for the week old water bottle that sat on the seat, I shoved the pills into my mouth and swallowed.

Now all I had to do was wait. It would all be over in twenty minutes or less.

Ten minutes passed before I felt anything. I began to feel extremely dizzy and nauseous. I opened the door of my truck and leaned over, puking. As I heaved, a cold sweat broke out on my skin and I felt weak. My grip slackened on the door and I fell to the ground.

"Bella??" I was hallucinating, I knew it. My dying brain was making one last ditch attempt to make me stay conscious.

I fought the darkness. As much as I didn't want to, still I couldn't resist that velvet voice. "Bella!" The sweet angelic voice called my name again. It was a bittersweet torture.

What shocked me most about this hallucination was that I now felt a cold hand brush the sweat from my forehead. Then I knew I was dead for I saw his beautiful face through the mist that clouded my senses. "Bella! Please, stay with me, love," his voice was anxious and he fought back a sob.

What had I done? I knew now that I wasn't hallucinating and that Edward had come to save me. But it was too late; I was slowly losing the battle to stay conscious.

"Edward?" I choked out. I wasn't sure that I had said his name at all, it didn't sound like it to me.

"Oh yes, Bella. I'm so sorry, I won't leave you again. I promise," he sobbed as he held me to his chest. "Just stay with me please. Hold on for just one more minute and Carlisle will be here."

"I'm sorry, Edward," I whispered, my head swimming. The pain was starting to fade, I wasn't sure if I could hold on for another minute.

"Shh," he said, as he gently pushed my hair off my face.

"Bella?" I heard Carlisle's anxious voice above me.

"Yes?" I wasn't sure how I managed to form the words on my lips.

"I'm going to give something to counteract the effect of the drugs, but I need you to stay with me, and then we're going to take you to the hospital." I didn't reply, I couldn't. I grabbed Edward's arm as I finally slipped into unconsciousness.


	2. Part II: All I Need

**The Heart of Everything**

**Part II: All I Need**

Author: Mrs Ronald Weasley

Rating: PG-13 or T

Pairing/s: Edward/Bella

Category: Angst/Romance

Warnings: Attempted suicide

Spoilers: New Moon

Summary: The night Edward leaves her, Bella believes she has nothing left to live for.

A/N: Not sure how long this will be, probably a few parts anyway. Each is inspired by a song from the band Within Temptation.

"_**I tried many times, but nothing was real**_

_**Make it fade away, don't break me down**_

_**I want to believe that this is for real**_

_**Save me from my fear, don't tear me down."**_

_**Within Temptation 'All I Need'**_

I was in a dark room, pitch black; I couldn't see my own hand in front of my face. Was I dead? I distinctly remember Carlisle's voice telling me that he was going to help me, but nothing after that, just blackness. The same blackness that still enveloped me.

This couldn't be right, if I was dead, why was I here? Shouldn't there be pearly gates or burning infernos? Maybe I was in limbo, perhaps my body hasn't completely died yet and I'm waiting to be doomed to the hell where I belonged.

"Bella?" I turned around immediately at the sound of my name, although I couldn't see, I squinted through the darkness.

It wasn't the voice I was expecting, although I knew the voice all too well. "Carlisle?" I asked, moving slowly, cautiously through the darkness. "Where are we?"

"Bella," Carlisle repeated, his voice sounded as if it came from far away. "If you can hear me, I need you to wake up for me."

Then I realized, he wasn't here at all. I was alone, and here was most likely my own brain. I was still alive, although obviously unconscious.

"Bella? Love?" That was the voice I longed to hear, his sweet angelic voice echoing through this vast blackened void that I was stuck in. I had no idea if, or how to get out of here and regain consciousness. I knew that I would have to eventually, or die, the latter of which I no longer wished for. "Come on, wake up please."

I felt something then, the slightest of touches on my hand and I instinctively closed my hand into a fist. The pain tore through me then and I gasped, closing my eyes...

When I opened them, everything was bright, blinding. "Bella?" I squinted through the light, searching for his beautiful face.

"Edward?" I said, pulling on his arm. "It's too bright, I can't see."

It was only a second before the lights dimmed and I could open my eyes completely. "I'm sorry," Carlisle's voice said from the doorway.

"And I'm sorry too Bella," Edward said, kissing me. "You have no idea how sorry I am love."

"Don't Edward," I whispered, "not now." I closed my eyes once more against the pounding in my head. I could feel the cold sweat on my skin and I tried desperately not to tremble.

"Bella?" Carlisle asked softly. "How are you feeling?"

"I feel sick," I replied quietly. "My head is killing me, I'm freezing and nauseous, and I can't stop shaking."

"You're going through withdrawal," Carlisle explained, "I can treat most of your symptoms, but I can't make them go away completely. That will take a little time."

"How long?" I asked, fighting the nausea. I didn't want to throw up.

"A few hours at least, but it could take up to a couple of days. You took quite a bit of codeine." I saw pain flicker in his golden eyes. "When you lost consciousness, I was afraid I was too late."

The nausea flared suddenly and I turned on my side, leaning over the side of the bed as I threw up into a garbage can that Carlisle held out for me. Edward pulled my hair from my face as I began cry from the intense throbbing in my head.

When the dry heaves stopped, I rolled onto my back, crying and shaking uncontrollably. "Bella," Carlisle said concern in his voice. "I'll be right back, I'm going to get you something for the nausea." Somehow I managed to nod.

"Shh, shh, Bella," Edward's velvet voice soothed as he crawled into the bed and pulled me to his chest, "you'll be alright."

I clung to him, never wanting to let go. "Please don't go Edward," I whispered between sobs.

"What? Bella, I'm not going anywhere," he said, kissing the top of my head. "Never again, I promise."

"You said that before," I cried.

"I know, I know," he soothed. He reached down, tilting my chin up so that I could look into his tormented golden eyes. "I won't do it again, I won't ever leave you. _Please_ believe me love."

I stared for a minute at his beautiful, tortured face. His thumb's wiped away the tears that slid down my cheeks. I searched his eyes, seeing the pain and sincerity in them. I reached up with a trembling hand, and threading my fingers through his hair, pulled his head towards mine. I kissed him desperately, pouring everything I could into it; my love, my pain, my apology.

He pulled back after a few seconds to let me breathe and I rested my forehead against his. "I love you Bella," he whispered.

"I know," I whispered. "And I love you too, so much that it hurts." I stared into his eyes for a moment before laying my head on his shoulder.

I heard the door open. "I'm sorry," Carlisle said as he stepped into the room. "I didn't want to interrupt." He went over to my IV pole and injected the meds. "You should rest, Bella," he said. "Edward will know where to find me if you need me."

"I'm sorry Carlisle," I muttered.

"I know," he replied softly. He leaned down to place a kiss to the top of my head before silently slipping out of the room.


	3. Part III: Final Destination

**The Heart of Everything**

**Part III: Final Destination**

Author: Mrs Ronald Weasley

Rating: PG-13 or T

Pairing/s: Edward/Bella

Category: Angst/Romance

Warnings: Attempted suicide

Spoilers: New Moon

Summary: The night Edward leaves her, Bella believes she has nothing left to live for.

A/N: Um, I was going to end it here, but I think I may do one more part. Each is inspired by a song from the band Within Temptation.

"_**I'm searching, I'm fighting for a way to get through**_

_**To turn it away**_

_**It's waiting, always trying**_

_**I feel the hands of fate, they're suffocating**_

_**Tell me what's the reason?**_

_**Is it all inside my head? **_

_**Can't take it no more!"**_

_**Within Temptation 'Final Destination'**_

After Carlisle had left, I'd fallen into a restless sleep. I didn't know how long I drifted in and out of consciousness. Eventually Edward shook me gently. "Bella?" his voice sounded anxious and I immediately jerked out of my half conscious state.

"What is it Edward?" I asked as my head swam, my sudden movement causing a slight sense of vertigo.

"It's Charlie," he said, and moved to slip out off the bed.

I caught his arm desperately, the feeling of emptiness filling me the second his body no longer touched mine. "Please, don't leave me."

Edward looked torn. "Bella, one of the nurses called him," he said, taking my hands in his. "He's not in a good state. I think it would be best if I wasn't here when he comes in."

The thought of that panicked me. Edward met my eyes as he noticed the sudden change in my heart rate. "No, Edward," I whispered. "You promised."

"I'll just leave the room," he assured. "I won't be far."

"Please," I begged. "I want you here...I don't know if I can face my dad alone."

He looked away for a brief moment before nodding and climbing back into the bed with me. I reached for him and he pulled me to him, wrapping his stone arms around me comfortingly.

A few moments passed before I heard the door bang open. "Bel-YOU!" Charlie slammed the door shut and lunged at Edward. "You did this to her!"

"Dad!" I called in a desperate attempt to keep him attacking Edward.

Charlie ignored me and advanced on Edward, who was backing into the wall behind himself. "You left her like this! It's YOUR fault she wanted to give up her life!"

"Yes it's my fault!" Edward hissed in Charlie's face. I could feel the anger radiating off him as he shook with rage. "Do you have _any_ idea what it was like for me to find her, barely clinging to life?!"

"_You?!" _Charlie yelled. "Do you know what I felt when I found this?!" He pulled my note and I stared at it in his shaking fist.

They continued to yell, but I wasn't listening. The note. I had completely forgotten about it. A new kind of pain filled my heart as I realized what it must've been like for him to find it. Did he find it before the hospital called? Did he think I was dead? The pain it must've caused him when he'd read it...

I couldn't take it anymore. I was sorry, sorry about what I had done to Charlie and to Edward, and everyone else. So why didn't I feel any better? I felt worse, much worse. Edward and my father were arguing over who I had caused more pain to. Why couldn't they see, as clearly as I could that it was _myself_ that I had caused the most anguish for.

"Please," I begged in a whisper. "Stop it. I can't take it anymore. Just stop," I cried. I sucked in a deep breath and choked; hyperventilating as I tried to desperately catch my breath.

"What's going on in here?!" I heard his livid voice before he burst into the room, slamming the door behind him so hard that it fell off its hinges, the walls vibrating.

Charlie stopped mid-sentence. Edward had been angry, but Carlisle was furious. "What is the meaning of this?!" he hissed, moving over to where I was still gasping for breath. He grabbed the oxygen mask off the wall and flicked the on switch, holding it over my face. "Just breathe, Bella," he said softly, "it'll pass." He turned back to Edward and Charlie, his eyes alive with anger again.

"Dr. Cullen?" a male nurse had appeared in the doorway. His eyes went from the door that lay against the wall on an angle, to Edward and Charlie, and then to Carlisle and me. "Would you like me to call security?"

"Thank you, but that won't be necessary, Mark," Carlisle said, remarkably calmly.

Once I'd finally managed to catch my breath, I collapsed and fell back against the pillow. "Are you alright Bella?" Carlisle asked as he replaced the oxygen mask.

"Yes," I nodded. "Thank you."

Carlisle smiled slightly before turning back to my father and Edward, both of whom hadn't moved an inch. "Edward?" he said, he looked at him. "Would you mind giving me a moment with Charlie and Bella?"

Edward's eyes snapped to my face and I although I didn't want him to leave, I knew that I didn't have a choice. I nodded, telling him that it was okay.

He moved over to me and kissed me quickly. "I won't be far, I promise." I nodded again and he moved away, stepping over the door as he left the room.

"Dad," I started, staring at him. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to put you through this."

"Bella," he said, moving towards me and taking my hand. "Do you know how much it hurt when I found your note?"

"I know," I muttered back, trying to hold the tears that threatened to fall in. "Believe me, I do. But you have to know that it hurts me too, I didn't want this." I looked to Carlisle, "for any of you."

"You weren't thinking rationally Bella," Carlisle whispered.

Charlie sighed and ran his free hand over his face. "Is she going to be alright?"

"There will be no lasting effects from the overdose," Carlisle assured him. "She's currently suffering from withdrawal; I've been treating her symptoms. She'll be released once the withdrawal symptoms pass, it may take a couple days."

Charlie nodded. "I'm sorry Dad," I muttered again.

"I know Bells," he said, leaning over to kiss my forehead. He paused. "I think I should go," he looked at Carlisle, "I'm sure you have things you need to discuss with your son as well." He squeezed my hand lightly. "I'll stop by tomorrow Bella."

Turning on my side, I curled up, wanting Edward to return. "How are you feeling?" Carlisle asked as Edward reappeared. I sighed, and Carlisle smiled. "I meant physically," he added.

"Okay, I think," I replied, moving over to let Edward back in the bed.

"We'll see in a few more hours, I don't think the meds have completely worn off," he said. He paused and Edward looked at him, almost frighteningly. Carlisle shook his head, "I think you've both been through enough. I'm not going to chastise you Edward, for arguing with Charlie."

Edward sighed and leaned down kissing me deeply. "Are you alright, love? I didn't like having to leave you."

"I'm okay Edward," I replied.

"Bella," Carlisle said, I turned to him. "I'm going to go, but I'll be back in a few hours to check in and make sure your symptoms are improving."

I nodded and he slipped from the room.

"You should really try to get some rest, Bella," Edward muttered, "you didn't sleep well earlier."

"I know," I whispered, nestling my head in the crook of his neck and inhaling his sweet, calming scent. "I don't know if I can though."

"Just close your eyes," he murmured as he began to hum softly. It didn't take me very long before I gave in to the darkness.


	4. Part I: Forgiven

**The Heart of Everything**

**Part IV: Forgiven**

Author: Mrs Ronald Weasley

Rating: PG-13 or T

Pairing/s: Edward/Bella

Category: Angst/Romance

Warnings: Attempted suicide

Spoilers: New Moon

Summary: The night Edward leaves her, Bella believes she has nothing left to live for.

A/N: This was actually finished last night but the site was down. I know it's short, but as I was writing it, I found myself wishing that I had left it at three parts. So yes, this is the end. I hope you enjoyed it and I apologize for this crappy ending.

"_**You gave up the fight, you left me behind**_

_**All that's done is forgiven**_

_**You'll always be mine, I know keep inside**_

_**All that's done is forgiven."**_

_**Within Temptation 'Forgiven'**_

This time I slept well, and for what felt like days. When I did eventually wake up, I felt no more withdrawal symptoms.

"I think you can be released now Bella," Carlisle said as he finished taking my blood pressure. He smiled, "everything seems fine."

"Good," I said, pushing myself up.

"Your clothes are at the front desk," he said, "I'll get them for you."

"What time is it?" I asked Edward once Carlisle had left.

"It's almost seven," he replied.

I'd slept for most of the day and now that I was no longer nauseous, I was hungry. Carlisle returned a few seconds later and handed me my clothes. "I'll wait outside, Bella," Edward said, following Carlisle back outside.

I dressed as quickly as I could and then wandered into the hallway. I found Edward sitting on a chair at the end of the hallway, just outside of the elevators. "Where's Carlisle?" I asked him.

"Finishing with your discharge papers," Edward said as I settled into his lap. "He said we can go, he'd see us later."

"I think I would like something to eat," I said, standing.

"What would you like love?" he asked as he took my hand and led me down the hallway.

"Chinese sounds good," I replied.

He drove me to the restaurant. When we were inside and I had my full plate of food in front of me, I asked him the question that I knew he didn't want to hear. "Why did you do it?" I said. "Why did you leave me?"

I saw the torment in his eyes and I was sorry immediately, but I needed to know. "Bella," he said quietly, taking my hand from across the table. "It took me a lot of self convincing that you would be better off without me." He closed his eyes, shaking his head, "how wrong I was. If only I could've seen it then. I would've never left." He paused and I looked down, playing with my food. "It was Alice who told me what you were going to do...when she first called, I didn't know what to do. I knew I didn't have much time."

"I'm glad you came," I said, "It hurts me to think about what would've happened if you hadn't."

Edward smiled grimly, "you have Carlisle to thank for that. If Alice hadn't called him as well, there would've been nothing I could have done."

"I'm sorry Edward," I looked away from his face. "I won't do it again."

"And I won't give you a reason to do it, ever again," he said reaching across the table to turn my chin towards him. "I'm not going to leave you. You're stuck with me Isabella Swan, for eternity."

"I guess I can live with that." I smiled and leaned over, capturing his lips in a loving kiss.


End file.
